She is in my trunk
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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