Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
