Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
honey bunches of taint.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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