Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
