you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
