She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
