I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
