Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
