i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
