Got a toothbrush?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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