You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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