Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
