you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
