If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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