Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
