If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
