he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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