Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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