She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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