I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
