Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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