I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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