Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
