Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
