i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
