Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
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the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
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I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.