it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
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Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
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Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.