Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.