The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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