some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
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You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
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How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.