I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I cockslap morals
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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