dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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