2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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