A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
