if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
