I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize