This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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