I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
accomplished twins. life is a go
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
