I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
