I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she peed on how many people?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
