last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
