end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
