if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
