Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
