Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
