I wish I could teleport
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
