id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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