What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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