I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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