two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
