Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I didn't notice because vodka
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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