So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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