pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I could make wine with my vomit
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
