I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
