Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
