Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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