and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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