Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
