He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
