I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
