I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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