cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
