please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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