Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
