god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
