Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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