My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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