So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
