You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
