she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
