Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We need a shit load of segways right now
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
