there's paper in my vomit.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
