he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He keeps bees of course he's weird
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
