..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.