Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update