drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
