dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
