Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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