So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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