I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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