Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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