Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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