He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
